I saw this image on my friend Sybil’s Facebook page a few days ago and it has stuck with me. I have been on my game as a new mom. Laundry is done by 6am most mornings and I breastfeed while doing the dishes. My husband recently told me I was the best wife. It was just a sweet little thing he said in passing, but it warmed my heart. As good as all of his praise makes me feel, something tells me that he is wrong and I am just fooling everybody.
There is a second component of this imposter syndrome. I am also very wary of all my good fortune. Despite my horrible back pain (which is getting better) and other traumas I have had in the past month (which I may blog about but they are still emotional for me so it will be a while), I feel incredibly blessed. And because I am not used to all this happiness, I am just waiting for the other shoe to drop.
I am really trying to combat this feeling of impending doom, because it makes it difficult to revel in all the wonderful blessings God has given me. And this isn’t the first time I have felt peace and happiness. It’s just that I’ve never felt so happy, so full of peace, so grateful for the gifts that God has given me, and so mentally healthy. It’s weird. It’s foreign to me. And a little voice in my head keeps saying,
This won’t last. Just you wait. Something big and bad is coming soon.
Sometimes I think that the bad, scary voices in our head is the devil. And I’m not going to say any more about that because that’s another huge blog post. But I think that we all have angels and demons who are working for or against us.
I’m just trying so hard to listen to my angels.
Because God is so good.
And I am a trickster Goddess. Or maybe I am just a good mom and a great wife. At least today I am. It’s 6:14am so I haven’t had much time to screw anything up. Today I am a good wife and a good mom.
Tomorrow is another story.
Has anyone else ever felt this way? Do you feel like an imposter? Do you wonder when the next bad thing will happen when things are going your way? Let me know…